Candice and Tom began trying to conceive in February 2023 and were thrilled when they conceived just one month later. “I was 32 at the time. I’d been off the pill for many years. My periods were very regular, very normal,” Candice recalls. However, their joy was short-lived when they received devastating news at their nine-week scan. “There was no heartbeat, which was absolutely devastating. I suppose I didn’t even comprehend that that was an option at that point when you’re so naive.”

After taking medication to manage the miscarriage, Candice and Tom waited for her cycle to return before trying again. They conceived again in August, but her HCG levels were concerningly low from the start. “I knew what that meant… I was pregnant, but I wasn’t really that hopeful because I knew the likely outcome.” This pregnancy ended in miscarriage at around six weeks.

Candice began comprehensive fertility testing. While most results came back normal, her AMH level was surprisingly low. “My AMH is three… it’s basically in the lowest 10th percentile for someone at the age of 32 and kind of average for someone in their mid-forties.” This news was devastating, prompting Candice to research fertility specialists.

“I started calling all my friends, all my friends’ friends, and I was asking anyone and everyone about fertility specialists,” she explains. Two separate people recommended Dr. Jim Soltis at Melbourne IVF, who suggested IVF with PGT-A testing due to her recurrent miscarriages and low ovarian reserve.

“Because of the recurrent miscarriage, he wanted us to do IVF with a frozen embryo cycle, not a fresh transfer. And he wanted to do PGT-A testing, which is at embryo stage, at day five, they take a few cells from what would be the baby and what would be the placenta. And they test that for chromosomal abnormalities.”

Initially, Candice and Tom ambitiously wanted six PGT-A tested embryos before attempting any transfers. Their first cycle yielded two PGT-A tested embryos and one inconclusive. The second round resulted in just one embryo, despite better initial numbers. A third cycle produced no viable embryos.

“My mental health was absolutely taking a dive. It was so hard to hear of friends falling pregnant easily at this point,” Candice shares. “I had two really close friends who had children who fell pregnant around the same time I did the first time round. And so by December they’d had the babies and I had to really take some time and space away from them.”

During this challenging time, Candice found support from an unexpected source. “I reached out to an acquaintance of mine who I’d known just through work. She’d actually had a really long, hard, arduous journey with IVF and she ended up being a huge pillar of support for me. She had all my dates in her calendar and every few days would check in: ‘How’s it going? How are you feeling?'”

After three egg collection cycles, they decided to proceed with a transfer using one of their frozen embryos in March 2024. The embryo transfer was successful, and this time, Candice’s HCG levels rose appropriately. Still, after two losses, she remained cautiously optimistic.

“I had to keep reminding myself that this is a very different situation than the first two. Had a scan at six weeks, went to a different scan clinic – didn’t want to go back to that original scan clinic – saw a heartbeat, cried.”

The first trimester was marked by severe morning sickness. “I was vomiting at home every morning, on my bike, on the way to work, at work, on the sidewalk, on planes, in cars, everywhere. But with every vomit, Tom would be like, ‘Are you okay?’ This means I’m still pregnant, so you’re so grateful for the vomiting.”

Due to growth scans showing Adelaide measuring in the 92nd percentile, Candice was induced at 38 weeks. After a progressing labour with a failed epidural, Adelaide was born via emergency caesarean.

“They had me on the operating table. I was absolutely screaming and wailing. Sitting up because they’re trying to put the spinal block in. Steve’s holding me with one hand under my arm. A nurse is holding me in the other hand… And then of course spinal block is in, totally fine. Tom’s allowed back in. And they pulled her out and it was amazing.”

Now at 13 weeks postpartum, Candice is still adjusting to the reality that Adelaide is here to stay. “I think we spent so much time thinking it wouldn’t happen and then thinking that we might lose her. And now she’s here and I see her, I spend all day every day with her and I still kind of can’t believe it.”

Candice emphasises how isolating infertility and pregnancy loss can be. “I stepped back from a lot of friendships during that year, to a year and a half. And luckily, everyone knew that I would be back and everyone understood. I’m really grateful for that because I wasn’t around, I wasn’t available to celebrate my friends’ first pregnancies with them.”

She shares her story to help others feel less alone in their fertility struggles. “I hope that this helps other people who are struggling with infertility and pregnancy loss because it is so isolating, you can feel so alone.”

Her journey reminds us that while the path to parenthood isn’t always straightforward, there can be light at the end of the tunnel. “Before I gave birth, a friend of mine said something that absolutely made me ball. She said that Addie’s just been sitting in that cosmic waiting room for a bit longer… She just needed to hang out there a little bit longer.”