Ellie’s Birth Story – Navigating Pregnancy and Birth as an Autistic Mother, Hospital Birth, and Early Motherhood realities

Ellie’s path to motherhood began five years ago when she met her partner Moo on the Gold Coast. “She was working there, she’s in film and TV, so she was working on a show there and we kind of just met and yeah it was definitely love at first sight which sounds very cliche but it was,” Ellie recalls. For the past two years, the couple had been “desperate to have a baby,” though they weren’t entirely sure how to navigate the process as a same-sex couple.

The Journey to Conception

Rather than pursuing IVF immediately, Ellie and Moo decided to try home insemination with a friend who offered to donate. “We did home insemination and we kind of just like, like let’s just try not really thinking too deeply about it… obviously like thinking it wouldn’t probably work but so yeah we had been tracking my ovulation for like two years.”

The tracking had originally started for a different reason entirely. “I’m a freak like right before my period I’m like an awful person so every she wanted to know like where my period was coming so she knew that you know… she could prepare herself and not take it personally,” Ellie laughs.

Using a home insemination kit with a syringe and cup, the process was surprisingly straightforward. “Moo just kind of like syringed it in and then, and I kind of like just did a handstand and everything, trying to just like really, you know, get it in there.” To their amazement, it worked on the first attempt.

Discovering Pregnancy and Early Care

The first sign something had changed was Ellie’s behaviour. “The reason I knew I was pregnant like immediately because I was really nice right before my period was due. I was like super nice and Moo was like what like I think you’re pregnant I’m like no surely not but yeah turns out I was.”

As someone diagnosed with autism, Ellie was initially concerned about finding appropriate care. “We actually only moved to Melbourne just over two years ago so we and I don’t really love going to the doctor so we didn’t have I didn’t have like a doctor.” They applied for the MGP programme at the Royal Women’s Hospital but weren’t accepted, despite applying early in pregnancy.

Autism and Pregnancy

Ellie’s experience of being autistic and pregnant was largely uncharted territory. “When I first fell pregnant, I was frantically looking for like any podcast, like I was on your podcast on TikTok, trying to find anyone that was autistic and pregnant. And that really, that was like really hardly anything. And I was just so worried that I would just really struggle with all of it.”

Surprisingly, pregnancy hormones seemed to help. “I didn’t even feel very autistic. It was really odd. I kind of… Being pregnant kind of just like took over everything. Like all of the little things that I would get freaked out about or stressed out about just like did not matter anymore.”

However, some aspects of pregnancy were particularly challenging for someone with sensory sensitivities. “As he got bigger and I got bigger, the kicks, I just felt like claustrophobic. Like I felt like trapped sometimes. Like I felt really overwhelmed by him moving and being there and not being able to like have a break from that… he would get the hiccups like every day at the same time and I was like my god it would go for like an hour and it was just like yeah it was so overstimulating for me.”

Healthcare Challenges

While Ellie was assigned a specialist midwife due to her autism diagnosis, the care wasn’t always well-informed. “She was lovely, but I don’t think she actually, I mean, yeah, as you said, autism is such a spectrum. Like I think a lot of people who aren’t familiar with it or don’t know much about it, they kind of have one set idea on what someone with autism is like.”

The approach was sometimes misguided: “Every time we went for a checkup the lights would be off and I’m like you don’t have to tell me… like the lights would just be off and like you know I thought it was cute that she was trying like that but yeah it was she didn’t really make me feel too confident.”

More challenging was the lack of preparation for scheduled procedures. “They weren’t like okay and your next appointment like I really need to know what’s happening so I did struggle with that not really knowing and then like being told that I’m about to get a needle it would just I’d just cry every time it was like really stressful for me.”

Labour Begins

At 41 weeks, after trying various natural induction methods, labour began unexpectedly. “I had fish and chips. It was really random because my partner was like obsessed with the idea of having fish and chips and we never have even eaten fish and chips before… And then like an hour after that, I started getting like a tummy ache.”

Initially dismissing it as food-related discomfort, Ellie soon realised these were contractions. “I said to Moo like, don’t freak out… just really calmly, I’m just gonna let you know that I think something’s starting. I’ve got a bit of pain, but it’s all good.”

Hospital Transfer and Assessment

After some bleeding and reduced fetal movements, the couple went to hospital for assessment around 1am, returning home when everything checked out normal. Labour continued throughout the next day. “The whole next day the 12th I was just at home I had birth combs which I like literally think I like broke my hands on them… just doing all the things, trying to find a comfy position and I just couldn’t really get comfy but I kept pushing through.”

By 2am, Ellie was making “animal noises” in the bathroom, and Moo insisted they return to hospital. “I was so scared that they were going to send me home and I had to get in the car and I, was, it was like so stressful… one thing about me is I hate being perceived. Like I hate it when people are looking at me.”

Birth and Intervention

At the hospital, Ellie was found to be 5cm dilated – much further along than she’d expected. “I was really proud of myself, really excited. And I thought I’d be like one centimeter or something.” However, exhausted from the long labour, she immediately requested an epidural.

“Looking back, I kind of wish I didn’t get an epidural that soon because everything just like stopped from there… having to stay still while they do that during a contraction is probably like I don’t even know anyway did that they’re like stay still I’m like I can’t.”

After her waters were broken and oxytocin was administered, Ellie progressed to 10cm and began pushing. Initially, everything seemed to be going well. “I was pushing for maybe like 20 minutes and my partner was down there looking and they were like, you’re doing such a good job. Like she could see his hair and everything. And I’m like, oh my God, like we’re about to have this baby.”

Emergency Intervention

The situation changed rapidly when the doctor became concerned about the baby’s heart rate. “The baby, like we’re not really very happy with the baby’s heart rate. Like we’re quite concerned and he’s getting pretty stressed and you know, we’re going to have to get him out… we might have to do an emergency C-section.”

Despite Ellie’s best efforts to push the baby out, an episiotomy and forceps delivery became necessary. “Which was literally my worst fear. Like literally the worst thing that could have ever like… I only listened to positive stories. I couldn’t listen to any story about episiotomy as forceps.”

Birth and Immediate Aftermath

Baby Lucky was born weighing 4.6kg after a forceps delivery. “I put on an eye mask. And I just closely I just like laid there and I just went somewhere else in my head… Moo actually caught him obviously after they had got his head out, she was able to actually catch him which was really really nice.”

The immediate postpartum period was challenging. “They put this baby on my chest and I like, I thought, oh my God, like when he’s born, I’m gonna feel this like amazing, beautiful moment. And all I could think was take this baby off me… I said get this baby off me. I felt really unwell, I felt like really sick and out of it.”

However, when Lucky was brought back for feeding, the connection happened. “He went back on on my chest and he fed straight away. And in that moment, actually, sorry, I might cry. In that moment, just, yeah, I was so proud of myself and so proud of him… I never thought that I would breastfeed. Like I’d never really saw that as something that I would be able to do, but he latched instantly and it was amazing.”

Recovery and Postpartum Challenges

The recovery period was particularly difficult. “The recovery was out of control, painful, the worst month I would say of my life potentially… the episiotomy was really hard to recover. And when my milk came in and everything together, like that combination, I just was not prepared for that.”

Ellie found breastfeeding overwhelming due to her sensory sensitivities. “I found it so painful and so overstimulating. And I just was like, I actually can’t do this anymore. I would way rather formula feed and be like a good mum instead of crying every time he came near me.”

After three weeks, she made the decision to stop breastfeeding. “I took I think it was like one tablet or two tablets to stop my milk… it was totally like the best choice ever. And my partner could feed him and they could connect like that.”

Processing the Birth Experience

Ellie struggled with feelings about her birth experience. “I was really angry and upset that that was my birth like I really struggled to come to terms with how yeah my son was born… I feel like I pushed for 20 minutes I’m like I could have pushed for I had so much more in me you know.”

The hospital’s attempt at birth debrief wasn’t helpful. “I did have a trauma nurse, I think it was, come in the next day and she was very dramatic. She was like, your birth was like 9% of, you know, births that happened. Like it was really bad… she kind of made me feel like my birth was so bad instead of sort of like making me feel like it was okay.”

Reflections on Neurodivergent Motherhood

Now four months postpartum, Ellie reflects on how autism has affected her parenting journey. “Obviously, I’m still autistic, I can’t get away from that. But it’s definitely, yeah, it’s made me, yeah, heaps more resilient and more calm about all the things that would stress me out… when you have a baby, you just can’t, you can’t be like that. There’s no room for that.”

Her advice for other autistic women considering pregnancy is encouraging: “You are way more resilient than you think like you really like I did so good. Obviously it is overstimulating… But yeah, you are so resilient and would just be an amazing parent. I just think we’re in our heads a lot and worry so much about every little thing… If I can do it, trust me, you can do it.”

Looking Forward

Despite the challenging birth and recovery, Ellie would consider having another baby. “I would definitely do it again. Even after all that, I would do it again.” However, Moo might need some convincing after witnessing the experience. “I think I put her off. We did actually, we’ve talked about it a lot because I’m like, you you can definitely do the next one. Like, please.”

Ellie’s story offers valuable insights into the unique challenges and strengths that neurodivergent women bring to pregnancy and motherhood. Her honesty about the difficulties, combined with her ultimate resilience and joy in motherhood, provides both realistic expectations and hope for other autistic women on their own journeys to parenthood.