597 Michelle & Michelle – IVF journey, reciprocal IVF, miscarriage, emergency caesarean, induced lactation

Michelle and Michelle’s story begins four years ago when they met at work and instantly knew they were meant to be together. As they put it, they “just happen to fall in love” rather than identifying strongly with any particular labels. What followed was a complex but ultimately beautiful journey to parenthood that many couples facing fertility challenges will deeply relate to.

The IVF Journey Begins

Their path to parenthood required navigating the often frustrating bureaucracy of fertility treatment in Australia. “You have to do the counselling, obviously. And then I think, yeah, I think they do call it socially infertile,” Michelle explains about the process of accessing IVF as a same-sex couple. The financial hurdles were significant – they had to access their superannuation funds, which required seeing a psychiatrist to be deemed “socially infertile” and prove it would negatively affect their mental health if they couldn’t proceed.

“The process itself costs money. To access your super, not only are you accessing your super, which you know, isn’t a big decision to weigh up whether you wanna do that. But I think it costs $800 just for the application,” they share, highlighting the additional financial burden placed on couples who can’t conceive naturally.

Reciprocal IVF Attempts

Initially, they planned reciprocal IVF – using one Michelle’s eggs for the other Michelle to carry. Their first attempt in March 2024 seemed promising when 16 eggs were retrieved, but heartbreakingly, none developed into viable embryos by day five. “I felt like I’d failed. I felt like it, we’d wasted $7,000,” Michelle reflects on this devastating setback.

Undeterred, they tried again in May with the other Michelle’s eggs. This time, they had better success – 19 eggs retrieved, with six embryos ultimately frozen. “I think there’s this misconception that when you freeze your eggs and you get 20 eggs, that’s 20 chances to have a baby. But it just doesn’t work out like that,” they explain, offering valuable insight for others considering egg freezing.

Pregnancy Loss and Grief

Their first embryo transfer in July 2024 initially seemed successful, with everything progressing normally until 11 weeks. Tragically, this coincided with the sudden death of a close friend, adding layers of grief to an already emotional time. “At 11 weeks I had a little bit of spotting and I’m talking like barely anything,” Michelle recalls. What followed was a miscarriage that required a D&C procedure.

The couple’s honesty about this loss is particularly moving: “You grieve this life that you had imagined for yourself. Which, yeah, you it’s very hard plan and think, oh, the baby’s gonna be born around this time of year, and all these plans that then just fall apart don’t exist anymore.”

The Decision to Try Twin Transfers

In a bold move that speaks to their determination, they decided to attempt simultaneous embryo transfers. “We both actually got our periods at the same time. And we thought, let’s have twins,” they laugh. Unfortunately, both transfers failed, using embryos two and three from their precious collection.

Success at Last

Their fifth embryo transfer began with concerning signs – the initial HCG level was only 25, well below the expected 150. “They said, it’s not looking good. And we thought, okay. They said, at this point we’d expect it to be over a 50,” Michelle remembers. However, the numbers continued to rise, and despite an initially empty-looking gestational sac, a heartbeat was eventually detected.

High-Risk Pregnancy Care

Due to Michelle’s scleroderma (an autoimmune condition), they received care through the high-risk clinic at the Royal Women’s Hospital. “We ended up in the high risk clinic and shout out to Dr. Imy, who is just rb. We love her and we were so lucky that we got to see her at every appointment,” they share, praising the continuity of care they received.

Initially booked for induction at 39+5 weeks, they were repeatedly bumped from the list due to the busy September period – “nine months after Christmas, New Year’s is a very busy time to give birth.”

When they finally went in for monitoring, concerning heart rate dips led to immediate admission. After a balloon catheter insertion and the start of synthetic oxytocin, baby’s heart rate continued to show worrying patterns. “They said, look, we can’t even turn the drip up… we think the healthiest and safest option is to send you for an emergency caesarean.”

After being told they were having a boy throughout pregnancy, the moment of birth held a beautiful surprise. “They lift the baby up over the drape and they said, what is it? And Mish said, I can’t see. The legs are crossed… legs uncrossed and she said, oh my god, it’s a girl.”

The cord around baby’s neck explained the heart rate concerns, validating their decision to proceed with the caesarean. “She came out and her out bars were perfect and she was super healthy, but the reason why she was having most heart rate DS is ’cause she was having a little play.”

Breastfeeding Challenges

The birthing Michelle also faced challenges due to previous breast reduction surgery. “I actually had a breast reduction 18 years ago when I was quite young and at the time I said to the surgeon, I would love to be able to breastfeed in the future.” Despite initial concerns, she was able to produce milk and continues mixed feeding at seven weeks postpartum.

Looking Forward

Now settled in their new home with baby Sage, both Michelles are already planning their next child. “I’m just like so excited for the journey. I think it’s just, and it’s so funny because two years ago I was terrified of it,” the non-birthing Michelle shares, eager to experience pregnancy herself.

Their story is a testament to perseverance, love, and the importance of advocating for yourself within the medical system. From navigating IVF bureaucracy to finding supportive care providers who understood their unique situation, Michelle and Michelle’s journey offers hope and practical insights for other couples facing similar challenges.

“We are just probably the happiest we’ve ever been,” they conclude, a beautiful reminder that despite the challenges, the journey to parenthood can lead to the most profound joy.

This episode contains discussions of pregnancy loss, IVF procedures, and medical interventions that some listeners may find triggering.