Jessie Stephens | twin pregnancy, gestational diabetes, premature birth, NICU, breastfeeding twins

“I loved giving birth to Luna. I loved my postpartum experience. I knew that I wanted more kids. I’m turning 36 this year, so I was like, well, if maybe one day I want three, then maybe I should start thinking about having another. We started trying, which we hadn’t ever really tried because Luna was a wonderful surprise.

“I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. Weeks rolled on, and then I was at work and I got what felt like period pain. Immediately I went, this is bad, and I know what’s happening right now. I went home and there was a lot of blood. I felt like through all of that, no one was saying, hey, I’m sorry. I was emotionally devastated. Coincidentally, my sister miscarried the next month too, which was the strangest thing.

“I didn’t even have a period when I fell pregnant with the twins. Apparently you can hyperovulate after you miscarry, so I like to think I didn’t lose a baby, they just were there. It wasn’t this exciting, momentous occasion it had been with my first, because I was convinced something would be wrong. I went to the scan on my own. The sonographer was silent, and I thought, okay, this is bad. Then she said, there’s a heartbeat, and I felt this incredible rush of relief. And then she said, and if you just look over here, that would be another heartbeat. I just burst out into tears while also laughing.

“My husband asked if there was a heartbeat and I said, it’s more of a plural situation. Luca, it’s twins. He just went, fuck. My mum has had two sets of identical twins herself and even she said, you are kidding, what are the chances.

“My obstetrician was fantastic. He said, you are a great candidate to try for a vaginal birth because you’ve had one, it worked. I’m absolutely happy to do it. Let’s try get you to 37, 38 weeks. Every appointment was a list of risks though. I was like, is anyone going to say congratulations.

“I had quite bad depression during my first pregnancy so I saw my psychiatrist early this time and increased my medication preemptively because your blood volume doubles with twins. That made an enormous difference. Some symptoms were actually much better this pregnancy but the insomnia was horrendous.

“They test you twice for gestational diabetes in twin pregnancies and my second test came back positive. It was so annoying to be that pregnant, that hungry, crave carbs, and have to consider every single thing that went in my mouth. I was finger pricking four times a day. I had to be told by professionals, this is not your fault, it’s your placenta, higher risk in twins.

“At one scan they said one of the twins had slowed in growth around the abdomen. I’m worried this is one of them getting a bit squashed in there, they said. We went from planning for 37 weeks to talking about 32. That was the one time I got to work and had a big cry. I just need these guys to be okay, I remember thinking.

“From about 16 or 17 weeks I could barely walk, because of an old leg injury and all the ligament loosening that happens with twins. I love walking, and I couldn’t. My husband asked for two nights away to get his head around everything before they arrived. Best thing I could have done, because he came back and was just like, alright, I’m in it.

“It was my first day of maternity leave and I was 33 and 5. That night I was woken at about four in the morning by so much water. There was no denying it. I said to Luca, okay, we’re on here. They said, pack a bag because you’re not going home. I felt so claustrophobic once I was in hospital.

“They gave me steroid injections for the babies’ lungs, those really hurt, and medication to try and slow labour. The meals were hilarious, do you want a croissant and orange juice, when I had gestational diabetes. I said to my obstetrician, I feel like I’m in prison. He said, none of those count. I’m here to make sure these babies are okay. I really respected his honesty.

“One night I had a really familiar surge and just thought, there it is. I laid there for two hours just feeling it happen, it felt like a sort of surrendering. In the morning they said, you’re going to meet these babies in the next hour. Because of twin B’s position, they said there was maybe a one in five chance of a full vaginal birth, and it would be a gamble. I looked at the doctor and said, what do I do. She said, just get the caesarean, that’s going to be more controlled.

“With a spinal, your husband can’t be in the room to start with. There were probably twenty people in there, medical lights, nothing like my first birth. Harry went straight to be resuscitated, no skin to skin. Then something happened with my placenta, there was a lot of bleeding, and I felt awful, dizzy, out of it. I later learned I’d lost a lot of blood. For hours afterwards I didn’t think about my babies at all, and I felt so much guilt about that, but my body was just totally depleted.

“Both of them went to NICU. Harry was on CPAP, we called it his snorkel. Margot was even smaller, one point seven kilos. It’s like only in retrospect you go, that was really full on. Margot had a green vomit on day two and had to be transferred to another hospital for tests, without me, because I was still a patient. That was awful, the idea of them being apart. I felt very strongly that they had to be together.

“Harry latched for the first time about a week or two in, and he was brilliant. Margot was vomity so we worked out cow’s milk protein allergy while they were still in hospital, which saved us so much trouble later. After four weeks they offered us hospital in the home so we could take them home with feeding tubes, and they told us their tubes would probably be out within a week anyway.

“I breastfed for four months in the end, my goal was three, so I was really stoked. But the triple feeding, feed, top up, pump, was the hardest part by a long way. There is nothing I hate more than that breast pump. Harry needed hernia surgery at six weeks old too, which was a lot on top of everything else.

“Now, watching them engage with each other, I just feel like the luckiest person in the world. Twins are not twice as hard. Feeding is one hundred times as hard, but the rest of it is fabulous. I wish someone had told me that at the start instead of just all the doom and gloom. You’re scared enough already, you don’t get told so much about all the brilliant stuff too.”